Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
