You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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