if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
