from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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