so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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