When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
