He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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