He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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