Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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