wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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