hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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