He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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