Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
