Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
