someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
