apparently the secret to your success is patron
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
two words: eviction party
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
