I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
