I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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