I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
