He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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