I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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