Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
