goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
did you just send me my own nude
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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