In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i've created a new STD.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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