Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
