I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
