Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
