my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
