i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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