No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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