piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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