All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize