I seem to have left my pride at pride
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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