Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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