I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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