it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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