You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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