why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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