ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
