Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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