Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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