Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
