Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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