So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Boobs speak an international language.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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