Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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