2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I party with great urgency now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
