That's intense
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
