Your tits are I can't wait for
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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