you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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