I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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