So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
