just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
