well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
