I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
