You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
