True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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