My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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