Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
