So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
