She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
