just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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