Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
