I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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