omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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