He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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